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Steve Jobs Impersonating Man Wears the Same Outfit Every day to Improve Efficiency and Smells Like Shit Because of it

Irvine, California- Jason Anders has recently adopted the minimalist approach to his wardrobe after reading an eye-opening Forbes article. The article details Steve Jobs no struggle attitude when it came to the utopian society outfit that he wore every single day, like a freak. When pushed for comment Jason claimed “If I want to make … Continue reading Steve Jobs Impersonating Man Wears the Same Outfit Every day to Improve Efficiency and Smells Like Shit Because of it

Student Abroad in Europe Discouraged that even the Showers use Sparkling Water

Paris, France- Jake Levitz is growing more and more discouraged by the fact that every source of water in Europe is not unleaded regular mineral water, but rather sparkling water. “I get that the whole bubbles thing adds an air of class to the water experience, but damn can I just get one moment of … Continue reading Student Abroad in Europe Discouraged that even the Showers use Sparkling Water

Mr. Peanut cracks under pressure; shells out $30 million for human’nut’arian aid

Nuttorious penny-pincher, Mr. Peanut was under siege over the weekend after publicly refusing aid to Nuts United, a union of outraged federal nut farmers working without pay during the government shutdown. In a public announcement, Nuts United demanded compensation for their work and called for accountability from the head Nuts. No one really knows why … Continue reading Mr. Peanut cracks under pressure; shells out $30 million for human’nut’arian aid

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